Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

The Integrated Coaching Academy

Where Coaching and Counselling Connect

Prince harry, grief and how to really help


Prince Harry has gone very public about his mental health struggles resulting from the death of his mother, Princess Diana. In Apple TV’s ‘The Me You Can’t See’ he says he ‘boxed up his emotions’ for 20 years.

It’s true; people often attempt to deal with life’s losses and traumas by disconnecting and switching off their feelings.


The ‘box-it-up’ method can work for a while, as it did for Harry, but what tends to happen over time is that the lid of the box begins to lift all on its own and the anger and despair begin to tumble out in an uncontrolled way. For Harry, the lid of the box seems to have really started to open after his marriage to Meghan and the build up to the birth of his first child created a psychological pattern match to the trauma of his mother’s death.


Harry was filmed in an EMDR session with his therapist. It seems to have really helped. I wish he could also experience the Rewind Technique which was originated by Dr David Muss in the 1970s. It can be even more effective. I did some training with David. As a newly qualified psychotherapist many years ago, I was so amazed by the successes I was having for my PTSD clients that I wrote a book about it. It works in a similar way to EMDR by grounding the client and setting a cognitive task that anchors the brain into the neo cortex. It’s less well known simply because it hasn’t attracted the research and funding of the EMDR programme originated by Francine Shapiro.


Here, an EMDR therapist gives a succinct explanation about the underlying mechanism. She says:

‘The therapy works by the therapist creating a safe and trusting space. We identify the experiences … and bring them into the room in a gentle way to reprocess those memories so the past can be in the past and our past life experiences do not continue to create stress, anxiety and triggers in our current life’


The subconscious mind


What stays in the subconscious mind has the ability to control us. Allowing suppressed emotions to safely surface can actually process long term grief in just one session... if that is what the client wants.

Sometimes, however, the bereaved just want to speak, to be allowed to explore and express their emotions in their own time and in their own way. Fortunately, a Fusion Therapeutic Coach will have the empathic attunement to understand what the client needs from their practitioner.


Yes, if they want resolution, the Rewind Technique can achieve that quickly and efficiently but if they need to talk, a Fusion Coach knows how to offer the time and space for that to happen. It’s about making the model fit the client rather than the client fit the preferred therapy style of the practitioner.


My article this week looks at suppressed grief and how the reaction to unprocessed emotions can take us by surprise many years later.


I hope it helps…


Grief and how to really help


As James sat in front of me, memory after memory of his father’s death surfaced, released, and ran softly down his face.


‘He died when I was 10’, said James. ‘It was an unexpected heart attack. He went to work one morning and didn't come home. Mum thought I was too young to go to the funeral so I went to school on that day just, like any other day.’


James's mum wasn’t being cruel. She had hoped to protect her young son from the pain of seeing her so desperately upset at the grave side. She wanted him to escape somehow the turbulent and intense range of emotions that are a part of the journey through the grieving process. So she made life as normal as possible for him. She compensated by taking him on lavish holidays, buying him the latest gadgets and putting on her ‘I'm fine’ face in the daytime.


Crying alone


She had removed all the pictures of James's father in the house and he was now rarely referred to.

The mother-who-meant-well stayed strong and kept going. She was doing a good job she told herself. After a year, James seemed fine, was doing well at school and never mentioned his father at all.

But the grief hadn’t gone away and it was only after she put James to bed at night that she allowed herself to cry. What she didn't realise was that, in bed at night, James could hear his mother crying and would often cry himself to sleep too.


Both mother and son were going through an intense range of emotions they did not want to communicate to each other, for fear of causing more upset. They had both become isolated in a shared grief for the most well-intentioned of reasons and they were making a mistake that many of us make.

I must keep going


There are plenty of laudable reasons for not dealing with grief. People have to go to work to keep their job. They have to get the kids off to school. They have to mow the lawn, do the shopping, cook and pay the bills. They think if they give way to grief, it will be like a dam has burst. They won’t be able to cope with the deluge and will drown in a flood of their own tears.


But deferring grief is like living with an undetonated bomb. We fool ourselves that if we tiptoe around it, perhaps it won’t go off.


An open wound


However the loss and grief remain as a concealed, but still-open, wound. Although we may have put a plaster over it, it will not begin to heal until we acknowledge its presence and let some light and air onto the injury.


As Prince Harry has observed, death has become a sanitised business.


We try to ignore it. We clean it up with phrases like ‘passed over’, or ‘slipped away’ rather than saying someone has died. Or we wrap it up and leave it on a shelf in a darkened room that we try not to visit.

We are taught, in the face of adversity to stand strong. We must stay in control. We have to keep a very British ‘stiff upper lip’.


But grief is not an illness. It’s a fact of life. We will all lose someone we love and we will all feel the pain. Being able to ride the intense waves of emotion that come with bereavement is an example of mind management and asking for help or talking to someone about how we really feel is a sign of emotional intelligence, not weakness.


As a therapeutic coach, I have a range of skills in my professional toolbox. But for James, as with most of my clients who are grieving, I used the simplest, yet most powerful of them all.

I listened.


Frances Masters MBACP accred GHGI


Frances Masters is a BACP accredited psychotherapist, coach, training consultant and author of the book PTSD Resolution: Reclaiming life from trauma.


In 2009, Frances founded the charity Reclaim Life; training its volunteers to work in the new, integrated coach-counselling model, Fusion.


As founding Principal of the Integrated Coaching Academy Frances gained accreditation for her training from NCFE as Customised Awards; 'The Fusion Therapeutic Coaching, Counselling and Training Diploma in Therapeutic Coaching and the distance learning programme Certificate in Therapeutic Coaching Skills'


Training programmes also include


The Integrated Coaching Academy certified Fusion Mindfulness Based Mind Management Skills Certificate

and new online training Breathe Stress Away


Fusion® Therapeutic Coaching is an approved NCFE training centre, an organisational member of he British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and the Association for Coaching

Blog

Our mental health system is broken

Posted on July 24, 2018 at 8:05 AM


How dare they call it 'Improved Access to Psychological Therapies' when desperate and suicidal people are being told the waiting list is 6-12 months?

Our mental health service is broken. Throwing more money at a broken system will not fix it. Change must happen. We need a new system not a patched up old one!

Problem: Those who are stressed and distressed are too often labelled and medicated without the underlying causes being addressed. They are sold a lie that their 'brain chemistry is out of balance' and the happy pills will fix it

Solution: Those uncomfortable emotions are actually trying to prompt people to make changes in their life to get their innate human needs met. Rather than numb down the feelings, shouldn't we all (mental health practitioners included) try to listen to what they are saying?

When are we going to teach this stuff in schools? Why are today's students becoming tomorrow's mental health patients?

While we all wait for those in power to sort out the mess, a Fusion Therapeutic Coach can help those in distress uncover the real problem, focus on solutions and take appropriate action to regulate emotions and get back in control of their life

See 'This is what 24 hours in a Suicide Crisis Centre looks like'

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/suicide-crisis-centre-mental-health-prevention-nhs-iapt-a8446011.html



Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

214 Comments

Reply cialis without a doctor prescription
4:13 PM on January 20, 2022 
tadalafil liquid https://cialisusdc.com/
Reply golden goose
11:43 PM on January 21, 2022 
I would like to point out my affection for your generosity supporting men and women that must have guidance on this one concern. Your very own commitment to getting the message all around had been rather important and have constantly permitted men and women just like me to get to their ambitions. Your entire useful guideline signifies this much to me and somewhat more to my office colleagues. Thank you; from all of us.
golden goose http://www.goldengooseoutletonline.us.com
Reply cialis online
7:37 AM on January 22, 2022 
tadalafil daily online where to get tadalafil
Reply cialis cost
11:02 AM on January 23, 2022 
generic tadalafil from uk where to buy generic cialis online safely
Reply off white
11:40 PM on January 23, 2022 
I intended to write you that very little note to finally thank you yet again regarding the unique tricks you've shown on this site. It's certainly wonderfully generous with people like you to supply easily what a lot of folks might have distributed for an e book to earn some money for their own end, specifically given that you could possibly have tried it if you wanted. The inspiring ideas likewise served to become a easy way to be certain that some people have similar dreams the same as mine to find out many more in terms of this problem. I believe there are thousands of more pleasant times in the future for individuals that examine your site.
off white https://www.offwhitesoutlet.com
Reply kyrie irving shoes
5:00 AM on January 26, 2022 
I precisely wished to thank you so much all over again. I do not know the things I would have handled in the absence of the actual ideas provided by you on this area of interest. It had become the daunting concern for me, nevertheless seeing a new well-written way you managed that made me to weep for gladness. I am just happier for the service and in addition trust you recognize what a powerful job that you are getting into training other individuals with the aid of a site. Most likely you've never come across any of us.
kyrie irving shoes http://www.kyrie7shoes.us
Reply Yowin
6:44 AM on January 26, 2022 
“That your jockstrap on the floor next to you, son?” His dad asks.
Reply Mesexlets
9:35 AM on January 26, 2022 
tadalafil dosage tadalafil brands
Reply off white
10:14 AM on January 26, 2022 
I am only writing to let you know what a outstanding discovery my child undergone using your site. She mastered too many pieces, which included how it is like to possess a great teaching mood to make men and women easily learn chosen problematic matters. You really did more than people's expectations. I appreciate you for giving those important, trustworthy, explanatory and also cool thoughts on that topic to Julie.
off white http://www.offwhites.us.com
Reply yeezy supply
1:50 PM on January 26, 2022 
I and also my guys ended up looking at the great tips located on your site and so then I had an awful feeling I had not expressed respect to the website owner for those techniques. Most of the ladies happened to be as a result glad to read through them and now have truly been tapping into these things. Many thanks for truly being simply accommodating and also for using varieties of notable topics most people are really eager to be aware of. My very own sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to earlier.
yeezy supply http://www.supplyyeezys.com
Reply tadalafil generic
2:31 PM on January 26, 2022 
tadalafil cost in canada cialis cost
Reply off white jordan 1
10:05 AM on January 28, 2022 
I happen to be commenting to let you know of the great experience my cousin's daughter found reading through the blog. She mastered lots of things, including how it is like to have an amazing coaching heart to make many others quite simply learn selected tortuous things. You undoubtedly did more than our own expectations. I appreciate you for showing such valuable, dependable, informative not to mention cool tips on your topic to Sandra.
off white jordan 1 http://www.offwhites.us.com
Reply cialis tablets
11:15 AM on January 28, 2022 
canada generic tadalafil cost of cialis
Reply lebron shoes
3:14 PM on January 28, 2022 
Needed to send you the very little note to say thanks as before over the beautiful views you've featured on this website. It has been simply particularly open-handed of you to make unhampered precisely what a lot of folks would have distributed as an ebook in making some cash for their own end, notably now that you could possibly have done it if you wanted. These inspiring ideas as well served like the easy way to be aware that other people online have the same dreams like my own to know whole lot more when considering this issue. I believe there are numerous more pleasurable sessions in the future for people who go through your blog post.
lebron shoes http://www.lebronjames.us.com
Reply kevin durant shoes
6:27 PM on January 28, 2022 
Thank you a lot for providing individuals with an exceptionally pleasant possiblity to read critical reviews from this web site. It can be so useful plus jam-packed with a good time for me and my office fellow workers to visit your website really three times weekly to study the latest stuff you have. Not to mention, I'm at all times pleased with your tremendous hints served by you. Selected 3 areas on this page are unquestionably the most impressive we've had.
kevin durant shoes http://www.kd12.us.com
Reply giannis shoes
12:24 PM on January 30, 2022 
I am glad for commenting to make you understand of the fabulous encounter my cousin's princess had visiting your web page. She noticed some issues, most notably what it is like to possess a marvelous teaching mindset to make the others just master various very confusing topics. You actually surpassed readers' expected results. I appreciate you for providing the valuable, dependable, edifying and even fun thoughts on the topic to Gloria.
giannis shoes http://www.giannisantetokounmposhoes.us
Reply cialis without a prescription
1:32 AM on January 31, 2022 
tadalafil price walmart tadalafil order online no prescription
Reply Mesexxkjt
3:13 AM on February 3, 2022 
buy tadalis tadalafil daily online
Reply yeezy boost 700
6:51 AM on February 3, 2022 
I precisely desired to thank you so much all over again. I do not know what I could possibly have made to happen in the absence of those suggestions provided by you on my question. It has been the terrifying circumstance in my view, but observing the very specialized approach you treated that forced me to weep for joy. I am happy for this service and in addition have high hopes you recognize what an amazing job you have been carrying out teaching many others through your webpage. I am sure you haven't come across any of us.
yeezy boost 700 http://www.yeezy-700.com
Reply where to buy tadalafil on line
7:52 AM on February 3, 2022 
buy cialis pills where to buy cialis without prescription